Today I Cried…And It Felt Great!
I came from an abusive, troubled and emotionally devastating childhood. I won’t bore you with details. The point is that, as an adult, I sought inner peace and happiness like many people. And like many people, my path was thorny, painful, rocky, dark and awkward. To get to happiness and peace I had to heal mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
At first, I wasn’t really in touch with my emotions. I felt numb, like my emotions were always just out of reach. I don’t know why, specifically, but I wanted to feel my feelings. Even if they were painful. I must have instinctively known that getting in tune with my emotions was the first step to healing. It was a frustrating first step, but I kept reaching out, seeing if I could reconnect.
After many months, the emotions set upon me like a dark and heavy cloud made of coal and iron. What the hell? Now I had to start digging my way out from this new burden of emotions. So, I dug. And dug, and dug. In the process I learned to love and trust myself, let go of the painful past, and to view life as something much better than it was before. But my healing wasn’t done yet. For the next year or so, you can probably guess…
I cried.
Not because I was sad or anything. I cried for no obvious reason at all. I cried at random times, almost every day for a year. Work, driving, shopping, gym. Tears would flow. But, I’m a crier. Get it from my dad. Crying is my body’s way of letting go once and for all. And that is what I needed most: To let go. To let go of the past. To let go of the pain. To let go of future expectations so I could create it consciously and, hopefully, wisely. I always felt better after a good cry. I felt lighter, freer, because I had let go of something that had held me down before. Perhaps nothing is as cathartic as a good cry.
Well, during this pandemic and worldwide shutdowns, things have shifted. As if life isn’t difficult enough already, this whole coronavirus thing adds an enormous layer of stress for most people. All-in-all I can say I’m doing really well, emotionally, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Emotions are running like a roller coaster. Distraction is at an all-time high. Any new “thing” life sends my way is just tougher than normal. I’ve determined that this is okay. The world has been through times like this and worse — and we made it through those struggles. We will make it through these difficulties.
Like most people, I’m adapting. Adjusting. Flowing with it. Today, I was doing some yoga to shake things up and keep healthy. As I finished a short routine… I cried. For no obvious reason at all, the tears just came. It only lasted about ten seconds, but caught me off guard because I haven’t cried out of the blue for years and years. And, it felt great! It made me aware that
Even though I’ve been maintaining pretty damn well, I still needed to let go of some things. One major lesson learned from my healing process is that falling apart — although scary and devastating at first — is a necessary part of personal healing and growth. Falling apart allows us to put things back together better.
Perhaps What We Need Most…
Is to let go.
Let go of the systems that never really worked for us in the first place. Most of the systems we engage in (money, business, government, education, religion, etc.) pit us against each other so a few people at the top of the pyramid can keep getting rich. While we tear each other down, they rise up.
Let go of the bad behavior. The freedoms we enjoy are also the freedoms we resent when people mistreat each other. It’s shocking how badly people are abusing their freedom by abusing each other. Just look at the bullying and suicides going on among our young people. Just look how the overly-wealthy bully the poor. The bad behavior in our nation is unacceptable. Looking the other way or hoping things will fix themselves isn’t okay, either.
Let go of the illusions we allow to divide us. Specifically, I mean it’s not okay to think less of anyone for their gender, race, religion, social status, income, nationality, political party or language. We’ve let these petty differences divide us when they should unite us. Our differences make us more alike than different.
“Our differences make us more alike than different.” ~ Me
Let go of the illusion that somehow the politicians and corporations will somehow start behaving, fix things and tell us what to do. That’s not how freedom works. It is time to take it upon ourselves to do what is right, to exercise more kindness, to get more educated, and to participate in our civil duties.
Let go of past grudges. Society seems to keep getting angrier and angrier. It seems like everyone believes everyone else owes them something. Well, it’s time to let go of thinking anyone owes you anything that you don’t owe them.
Let go of the disrespect. Let go of the drama. Let go of the selfishness. Let go of the sense of entitlement. Let go of the ignorance; ignorance is a luxury we have too-long glutted ourselves upon. To our own detriment.
Let go of the need to be heard. Everyone is yelling at each other these days, and it’s gettin’ loud! What we need is to listen to each other so we really hear each other. Let go of the attitude “My way or the highway.” That isn’t how society works. We must find workable compromises and solutions, together. If you genuinely and attentively listen to someone, they are far more likely to listen to you than if you raise your voice at them.
“If you genuinely and attentively listen to someone, they are far more likely to listen to you than if you raise your voice at them.” ~ Me
The Secret to Falling Apart
Is trust. I know I can fall apart if I have to, because I’m here for myself. I’m not going anywhere. I know and trust that when I’ve allowed those parts of my life that aren’t working anymore to crumble and fall away, that I will be and build a better me.
Our money says, “In God we trust,” but we really need to start trusting each other more. We need to be more trustworthy for each other. We need to let each other know that we can and will be there for each other, to build each other up. Lift each other up. Together we will be better and build a better “US”. So…Let’s fall apart — together!
If We Wait, It Will Be Too Late
Things are falling apart out there, that much is clear. While many people are freaking out about it, falling apart is just the opportunity we need to put things back together — better.
But we have to decide HOW we fall apart. Will we fall apart together in the spirit of forgiveness, newfound gratitude and some positive vision for building a better world? It makes logical sense to wait until things have finished falling apart. THEN, we can build things together, right? Wrong! If we wait to come together, it will be too late.
Now is the time to let the walls between each other come down. To start trusting each other. To talk with each other about what we need, individually and collectively. Now is the time to unite in a common mindset of goodwill for all of us. Our society and our world need some deep healing mentally, emotionally, spiritually and societally. Our path to healing may be thorny or awkward, but if we’re in it together, we will make it through.
